getting rid of the legalistic christian in me

There's a lot of good things about being brought up in a Christian family and then there are a couple of bad things as well. One of those things being the mentality I was brought up with.

I was always taught to do good and not to sin and I guess that's a good place to start with kids, but I feel like the whole relationship with God part was left out way too long. If my grade 6 sunday school teacher didn't teach us about how God loves us and to erase our sins forever, He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us, then I feel like I'd be really lost and confused in my faith and in life.

Even now, I feel like a lot of my Christian walk has been in that mentality of doing "what a christian should do." I get upset at myself for not faithfully waking up at the same time to read the bible and pray or for not going to church in Waterloo. Although I these are things that I want to do to become closer to God, I know the reason i'm getting mad at myself isn't the right one (i don't even know if that makes sense)

I was reading luke 6 this morning (courtesy of my mom's "read the bible in a year excel spreadsheet) and it was talking about how the religious leaders / Pharisees were trying to find a reason to accuse Jesus of something. Jesus knew what they were thinking of doing and in response, he healed a man. He healed this man on the Sabbath (a day where you're not supposed to do any work).

I've read this story a million times and I've studied it in manuscript but today, when I read it, I kind of felt really frustrated. Here in front of them is THE Jesus, the guy who saves humanity and all they can do is try to find something he does wrong. You'd think that by this time - seeing that He hasn't done wrong, but is doing good stuff - that they'd figure, hey maybe we should follow this guy.

I'm the same.

Sometimes, I'll catch myself during a sermon, prayer, or just talking, "oh.. they should have said this instead of that." I find myself looking at the details in what the person is saying instead of what the person is saying (if you know what i mean?) That frustrates me. It frustrates me how I used to be told to change all my 'he's to "Hes". It frustrates me how some people told me not to chew on the bread at communion because it's like crucifying Jesus' body again and again.

I don't know what I'm trying to get at here - haha. I still dont' even think i know really know how to blog.

But here i am, this is me :)