Encouraging Words

Just got an email from my pastor with encouraging words:

Don't try to run the world, or your world, or try to bear that weight
They're such simple words but I think the way they're put made me realize further how silly it is to try to control your own life. "controlling my life" seems so simple.. but "controlling my world" seems impossible.

Another good friend of mine sent me 1Peter 5:1-11.
"God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble and oppressed."
I am SUCH a proud person. I hate showing people weakness, I hate showing people that I can't do something, I hate asking for help.
But at the same time, I really DO want to be a humble person.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I think I'm still learning what this means... to put myself in His hands; to cast my anxiety on him. For me, I think I'm really okay with putting long-term things in His hands. I know that in the end, He'll use me for something but it's the getting there that gets me agitated and I don't know what to do with myself..

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Yea, this is so not me. Just the fact that I like to bury my sadness I think makes me less alert of myself and my relationship with God and with others. Being someone who can't think straight or isn't really in touch with her emotions is actually kind of distractingly frustrating.

Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your fellow believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
People have been SO encouraging and I actually REALLY thank God for that. I think i'm slowly and painfully starting to dig the ground so that i can rebuild a firm foundation and the fact that thre are people praying for me who have gone through this kind of thing is even more encouraging

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
Yes. This is the reason I don't break out crying every day anymore -haha. I'm definitely excited for the end and I guess now, even, the process.

To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.


1 Peter 5:1-11

don't cheat yourself

I've been having a lot of dreams lately and I don't always know what they mean (like the boot one), but I think it means I have a lot on my mind (고민 is the perfect word).

Yesterday's KCF was pretty awesome, humbling, fun - i needed it. Not that I've had a tough week or anything but I think living on my own, I'm getting a lot more time to think about myself and God, which can be a good and a bad thing.

KCF had bible study and we studied the chapter that says this:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Three things here.

1. Do not worry about my life. I had a dream last night where Dolly was going to her KIN100 class and I had a huge irresistable urge to go as well (I really want to take this class!) I was in the class and it was a great class but I woke up and panicked because lately, I haven't done so great in school. And then this got me to think about my whole med school dilemma again and it was a mess of panic in my mind.

2. But then I prayed about it and I was pretty much suddenly calmed as if someone was telling me that if I rely on Him, He'll provide because we're that much more important to Him than birds and birds don't even have to prepare food or whatever. Not that I can just sit back and laze away, but that if I do try my hardest (I don't think I have yet to be 100% honest), He will provide.

3. I've never really enjoyed art. I am trying because its something that's so dear to my brother's and my friends' hearts. It's something I feel like I have to understand but apparently it's something to "feel" in the words of a friend. I saw Salvador Dali's clock painting in grade 6 and didn't really like it. It was a little too... different for me.

I saw it this morning and was really sad. It's October already and I have accomplished a lot of my goals, but I feel like I cheated myself with simple goals that I didn't really have to work for. Time is slipping away, and I really want to change so that I can push myself.

This week, I...

realized that being a research ASSISTANT sucks. I want to RESEARCH.

finished 3 books. Secret Life of Bees is a good one.

realized I haven't been reading my Bible.

enjoyed studying at the Mac library for my MCATs and realized I don't suck at physics as much as I thought I did.

gave up on doing my tax returns by myself.

made another goal - be more productive each week that I live!

Before I leave, can I just say... HURRAH for cold weather! Finally the weather is not so humid and I can walk around with the cool breeze that tickles my bones!

It snowed in Waterloo - crazy weather.