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When we insist on details we miss out on quite a bit - PJoe

running man

you need to be able to use both your arms AND legs to be able to run; so sometimes god ties your legs so you learn to run with your arms.

- Rev. Han via P. Will

study music

Alice sent me this

http://www.youtube.com/user/StudyMusicProject#p/c/9/yvHF99zvmyc

Dolly - it made me think of you and how you always have Yiruma's River Flows in You on repeat. Try this for a variation :)

Dreams

I have notes on my iphone and some of them are random things from random places. I realized some of the sentences don't make sense but are still thought provoking. I was just going through my phone and found the following:


"dream that launches a movement"

It makes me wonder... will any of my dreams ever launch a movement? I dont' think i'm much of a revolutionary or someone who's going to make an impact one the world. Who knows, maybe I will become one or God will use me to be one?

To be honest though, I think I'll be quite content with being used to launch a movement in the people around me - to impact the way even a single person thinks or experiences life.

Just a thought :)


on the other hand, I realized that my productivity level late at night is very difficult to keep up :)

Encouraging Words

Just got an email from my pastor with encouraging words:

Don't try to run the world, or your world, or try to bear that weight
They're such simple words but I think the way they're put made me realize further how silly it is to try to control your own life. "controlling my life" seems so simple.. but "controlling my world" seems impossible.

Another good friend of mine sent me 1Peter 5:1-11.
"God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble and oppressed."
I am SUCH a proud person. I hate showing people weakness, I hate showing people that I can't do something, I hate asking for help.
But at the same time, I really DO want to be a humble person.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I think I'm still learning what this means... to put myself in His hands; to cast my anxiety on him. For me, I think I'm really okay with putting long-term things in His hands. I know that in the end, He'll use me for something but it's the getting there that gets me agitated and I don't know what to do with myself..

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Yea, this is so not me. Just the fact that I like to bury my sadness I think makes me less alert of myself and my relationship with God and with others. Being someone who can't think straight or isn't really in touch with her emotions is actually kind of distractingly frustrating.

Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your fellow believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
People have been SO encouraging and I actually REALLY thank God for that. I think i'm slowly and painfully starting to dig the ground so that i can rebuild a firm foundation and the fact that thre are people praying for me who have gone through this kind of thing is even more encouraging

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
Yes. This is the reason I don't break out crying every day anymore -haha. I'm definitely excited for the end and I guess now, even, the process.

To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.


1 Peter 5:1-11

Take My Life

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my life, Lord take my life. Take all of me)

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee

Part 1: Temporary Home

December 22nd is the KCF banquet and as I encourage people to come, I'm realizing more and more how much KCF is changing. It's weird because I don't think I realized how fast it had changed. THe people have changed, I'm finding myself as one of the older ones (to my dismay), and the dynamics have changed as well.

It's not a bad thing - I think there's a lot more bonding than when I used to go to KCF as a frosh and I think there's a lot of huge vision from the exec team. It's weird because I haven't been able to see it until now and I think God's been blessing me IMMENSELY this week even with opening my eyes to so many things.

There's way too many but one of them is that the hope that this is my temporary home :) Someone shared this song with me and it's quite great hehe

Finding Rest

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light"

I'm really trying to find what gives me rest these days. I asked my parents and both of them said QT in their own ways - my mom it's just spending her GO train ride praying; my dad it's Lectio Divina. For others, it's through taking walks in nature and for others, it's through praise.

I don't know how to take rest. Phil once asked me how I take care of myself and I realize that I don't. Sure, I play a lot, but I think playing, doing dishes, and rearranging furniture are all ways I run away from my problems and give me that time that I don't have to think of things.

The passage above is pretty interesting. I realized that I've been trying so hard to find rest in things of the world and things that I do by myself and this is a good reminder that Jesus says "come to me" and not to other things, people, or places.

I still don't know what it looks like to fully give up control of my life, but I'm excited to see the outcome especially since I have a ton of people praying for me :)

harry potter!

So excited to see this tomorrow

when i grow up

i went to visit my habojee today and it made me really happy that he lives so close that I can see him whenever I want. He's a really lonely man and his typical days consist of either watching tv and sleeping or going to the woodbine racetrack to watch horses just walk around. He's almost 90 yet he's still walking around and has better lungs than my mom. not to mention he can talk louder than her too hehe. His hearing is going and claims that he's going to die soon, but he's a pretty stubborn man so he's got a couple more years left in him :)

But today, I learned that all his close friends have already passed away and he hangs out with people who are at least 10 years younger than him. Of course, he could be exaggerating, but I could tell he hates how he's aging alone. I told him how a lot of people don't believe me when I say he still goes out and takes the ttc despite his age and how he quit smoking cold turkey. I think that made him a little proud of himself leading him to laugh about how he used to be quite the hotty back in the day and quite the athlete.

As i was driving back home, I realized how scared I am of growing old. I'm so scared of growing old by myself too, but to be honest, I think it's a feeling that's both dreading but excited at the same time - if that makes sense. I know that when I get old, it'll be fun if there's my dear friends around and we just sit around talking.

I went to work this week and one of my patients almost missed her appointment because she was having a 3 hour lunch with her friends. I want that to be me! I want to grow old with my friends and drink tea and bake and reminisce about the days when we worried who we'd marry or about what we'd do after we graduated.

as this term comes to an end...

I'm really sad to be leaving the house at westcourt place


but so excited to go home.


quite the bittersweetness

cheesecake!

Ingredients

Graham Cracker Crust:

2 cups (200 grams) of graham wafer crumbs or finely crushed Digestive biscuits

2 tablespoons (25 grams) granulated white sugar

1/2 cup (114 grams) unsalted butter, melted

Cheesecake Filling:

24 ounces (680 grams) (3 - 8 ounces packages) cream cheese, room temperature (use full fat, not reduced or fat free cream cheese)

1 cup (200 grams) granulated white sugar

1 tablespoon (12 grams) all purpose flour

4 large eggs, room temperature

1 tablespoon heavy whipping cream

1 tsp pure vanilla extract

Preparation
1. Grease 9 inch (23 cm) round springform pan
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (177 degrees C)

Crust:
1. Combine the graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and melted butter.
2. Press the crumbs evenly over the bottom and about 1 inch (2.5 cm) up the sides of the springform pan.
3. Cover and refrigerate while you make the filling.

Filling:
1. Mix cream cheese, sugar and flour
2. Add the eggs, one at a time

3. Add cream, and vanilla extract
4. Remove the crust from the refrigerator and pour half the cheesecake filling into the pan.

5. Take spoonfuls of cranberry filling and swirl in the batter with a knife

6. Bake for 15 minutes

7. Lower the oven temperature to 250 F and bake for 60-70 minutes

8. Remove from oven and carefully run a knife or spatula around the inside edge of pan

9. Let cool before covering with plastic wrap and refrigerating

Serves about 12-14 people.

on a path to healing

Okay so I really apologize for the really emo posts but this is seriously what i'm going through right now. After a week of tons of crying and really trying not to go downstairs or, rather, trying to spend more time with myself, I've come to many good conclusions. So.. you know that story of the sower man who sowed seeds and some of them fell on good soil, rocks, bad soil, etc? I feel like right now, everything's falling on rocks.

This week was full of melting and breaking those rocks and hooooh man, it was painful. I think my Christian life has been really stagnant the past couple years and I've buried a lot of hurt that it's starting to catch up to me and I have to deal with it sooner or later. I've decided that I need to go home next term and if the jobmine glitch at school works, I'll be working at Sunnybrook doing research. Even though it pays crap (apparently), I'm excited to be able to go home and back to my home church with people I feel SUPER close with :)

I'm excited to move on and forget certain feelings for certain people =P I'm planning on getting another job (hopefully starbucks!) and I'm excited to finally be at home for an extended period of time.

ON a lighter note, this week's glee episode was CRAAAAZY. Totally unexpected. The girls' rendition of "living on a prayer" by Bon Jovi was amazing as well!

let's get out of this dump

So lately, I've not been feeling myself. Although I'm with people, which i normally LOVE, I no longer get energy from them. I feel constantly anxious, stress, whatever you call it, and I have no idea what it's from.

Today at Creekside, I have to admit I didn't go in with a very open heart and more out of duty? I didn't know one of the songs and they sang "Breathe" which I like to be slow because it gives me a time to meditate while singing. But they sang it too fast and at 830 in the morning, i just gave up trying to think during the song and just sang along. The lady behind me didn't clean out her nose or something because for the whole worship and during the sermon, I could only hear whistling every time she breathed. It was SO distracting.

So i prayed. I prayed that God would tune out everything and just speak to me.

Surprisingly enough, I didn't pay attention to the whistling (which i didn't realize until after) and God really showed that He's still with me even in this slump that I"m having.

Ken Taylor had asked "Are you anxious? Stressed?" Remember that the Holy Spirit lives IN you. I think I have completely forgotten this for the past couple years even. I know that Jesus gives us strength and I ask for it all the time. But I always forget there's someone else even closer to me and that He's willing to intercede for me, be there every step of the way. It was definitely a God-given reminder.