finally...

... i'm sitting down to blog.

I know blogging should be a joy but I have to admit I've been going through a sort of writer's block / laziness . I blame it on blogspot's unfriendliness towards picture uploading as well as my lack of a camera.

Excuses aside, I blame it on my plain boring life. I feel like I'm always writing about the same things - school, goals, what i did... is this what a blog is supposed to be? my life, I realized, isn't that exciting and quite the average... how depressing.

I think most of all though, I've been finding a joy in people rather than myself and the internet. I'm finding a 5minute msn conversation can bring me more to life than a couple hours of big bang theory or a couple of movies.

A friend told me this past weekend "you've come a long way since the beginning of the year".. and it's true. My lack of faith in people hasn't disappeared but it's getting there. I'm starting to love people more and forgive people even more. I no longer get angry at people but more frustrated with their problems.

Oh man... PD (Professional Development course) is actually useful. I'm taking conflict resolution and the "motto" is "focus on the problem and not the person"... so true

I was looking through my iphone photos which have been accumulating since Christmas. I realized a couple things:
1. I'm such a camwhore
2. I take a lot of photos of sunsets
3. I take some random photos
4. I definitely need an actual camera...

is this normal?

I called out a friend today that i haven't seen in forever (well technically she called me) and i was really excited to meet her up to 10 minutes before when i panicked.

crap.

i haven't seen this friend in a year. what if it's really awkward? what if there's tons of silences? i suck at one on one conversations!

i think i get it from my dad. i feel really socially awkward when i'm with someone by ourselves. i prefer to watch a movie in those situations or cook or play a game.

lately, even in big groups, i find myself just feeling awkward. i have no idea if im actually being awkward or not, but i'm really beginning to not like talking. there's probably only 5 people i can talk to one on one without feeling awkward.

take for instance at the kcf 1st meeting. sure, i didn't know that many people but even among the people i've known and i'm normally comfortable around, i didnt really say much. i used to be super energetic in large groups, but these days, i just feel like watching - i do like people watching.

was i always like this? or is this a "growth process"?





this time, i called out a friend who i know i feel awkward with. bah humbug



a photo outside my room at sunset
1. didn't know the sun set so fast - 2 min after this photo there was no colour
2. good thing there was no one home in those houses cuz i'd feel like a major creeper
3. winter makes me happy

friends strangers and stalkers

have you ever wanted to be friends with someone just cuz you thought you guys would be awesome friends?

but then, there's that fear of "oh, but what if that person thinks i'm creepy or weird?"


I was talking with a co-worker and we were saying how we've seen each other (3/5 of us are in the same program) in class but we never really said hi to each other cuz that's just... well it's weird! why is it that when someone knows something about you before you guys meet or if they want to just simply be friends that we have to jump to the conclusion that they're a weird person or stalkerish?


I think i know at least 50% of the people in my year / program. I would say less than 5% know who i am.