for memory sake...

first study break of winter 2010 (the first of many)

is this normal?

I called out a friend today that i haven't seen in forever (well technically she called me) and i was really excited to meet her up to 10 minutes before when i panicked.

crap.

i haven't seen this friend in a year. what if it's really awkward? what if there's tons of silences? i suck at one on one conversations!

i think i get it from my dad. i feel really socially awkward when i'm with someone by ourselves. i prefer to watch a movie in those situations or cook or play a game.

lately, even in big groups, i find myself just feeling awkward. i have no idea if im actually being awkward or not, but i'm really beginning to not like talking. there's probably only 5 people i can talk to one on one without feeling awkward.

take for instance at the kcf 1st meeting. sure, i didn't know that many people but even among the people i've known and i'm normally comfortable around, i didnt really say much. i used to be super energetic in large groups, but these days, i just feel like watching - i do like people watching.

was i always like this? or is this a "growth process"?





this time, i called out a friend who i know i feel awkward with. bah humbug



a photo outside my room at sunset
1. didn't know the sun set so fast - 2 min after this photo there was no colour
2. good thing there was no one home in those houses cuz i'd feel like a major creeper
3. winter makes me happy

to do

If any of you remember, I used to have a huge list of things to do before I die on my window in my bedroom. The list started off small and then it grew to take up the whole window. Sadly, we're selling our house and for the viewings, I had to erase that gigantic list. Being the silly person I am, I didn't write it down.

I guess it's a fresh start. Some of the things I wanted when I was grade 7 I've probably done or don't know if i want to do anymore. I think I know a lot more about myself to know what I really want to do before I die. So without further ado!

climb the CN tower • go to the capital city of every country • live in Korea for a year • go on missions for a year • go really up north to see the Northern Lights • see a live world cup game at the stadium • write/publish a paper • watch an eclipse • look through a massive telescope • write a story • shave a really fluffy cat • lassoo a cow • walk behind a waterfall • own a bedroom with a bay window • look good in skinny jeans haha • drive on the autoban • run a marathon • paint a picture i'm proud of • eat at one of those sushi places with the conveyor belt • be part of a wedding party • make a time capsule with s.o • be lifted by balloons • watch a drive-in movie • fall in love and get married • skate on the Rideau • work as a character at an amusement park for a day • grant a sick kid's wish • bungee jump • learn to play another concerto • ride an elephant • watch all the great musicals (Chicago, Wicked, Jersey Boys, Hairspray, etc.) • play in a jazz group • go on a secret mission • create a tradition • revisit Victoria • open a business • vlog • meet a talking parrot • hug the hugging lady in india • build a dream house with a dream hubby • carve a boat • make a family recipe • make a short movie

And i know this isn't the end.

first week

The first week of school has been....

• crazy
• hectic
• disorganized
• exciting
• interesting
• fun
• happy
• lonely
• eventful
• full of learning
• keener-ing
• already growing
• reflective

so much has happened in the first week and i LOVE that.
definitely looking forward to the next 4 months.


One thing i hate though...
i'll be so glad after tomorrow when my work term report is GONE GONE GONE
pass or fail credits give me no motivation

paper heart

So I've been wanting to watch this for a really long time. It's supposed to be a documentary on how a girl (comedian Charlyne Yi) doesn't believe in love and goes around the states to ask people what love is to them.

I didn't like it.

First of all, I found out the relationship is fake which ... I feel like I was cheated! Like a boy playing with my emotions -_- HAHA

Secondly, a lot of the things were obvious and I was like... they need a movie to tell me that?
a. young love doens't work out for some people
b. love has hormones and bodily chemicals associated with it, but it's not just about the biochemistry

Lastly, the ending sucked. It was lame. No... it was worse than lame. Dare I say it was stupid?

Sure, there were cute parts and some of the couples were adorable,
but if you can help it, don't watch it.