How are you

I blogged on a similar topic a while ago, but I just wanted to share how it happened again, today. This weekend was my grandpa’s 80^th birthday. I was super excited since it is quite the event. We would get to see my cousins from the states that we rarely get to see and we would be having a huge party all in celebration of my harabojee (grandpa). I had my gift all prepared and I was ready to give him lots of hugs.

I know it’s selfish of me to think that just because I didn’t have a good time, doesn’t mean he didn’t. I mean it is his birthday and I guess to have your friends and family all in one place equals a pretty great party. I think I was hoping that I would get to talk to him a lot more, though, and this kind of saddened me that I didn’t get to do just that. Instead, I was ushered by my aunts and uncles being showed off like a possession with the following comments:

“oh she’s in university going and she’s going to go to med school”

Really? I pretty much know I don’t think I’m going that path anymore

“oh she’s really smart”

Really? Do you know my marks?

“This is her second co-op term working at a hospital and helping people”

I don’t work with patients and I don’t really work at a hospital right now…

“The next event is going to be your wedding right?

1. I don’t have a boyfriend

2. Wow, really? There’s no events for the next 7-8 years?

3. Who says I’ll get married first?

I know a lot of this “showcasing” is part of the Korean culture but sometimes it really bugs me. I guess later on, I might want to show off my kids too or the kids of my brother, but still – I wish my family would get to know me first before showing off my “trophies.” I don’t’ want to be known for those kinds of things – I want to be known for the things about me that you can only know if you get to know me.

Sidenote, here are some photos from the event:

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Leaving Niagara with a flat tire, waiting for CAA until 1:30 in the cold, and getting home at 3:30 did not help and by the end of the night I was just drained. I woke up to the reminder that I was pastoral prayer and then left the house shaken because my mom was having one of her angry mood spells triggered by my brother’s failure in displaying any sense of urgence to be at church on time.

If you’ve skimmed until now, here’s where to listen

It’s funny how God can talk to you directly through other people. First was Pastor Joe. As soon as I went up on stage to help set up for praise, he goes “Audrey are you okay? Either you’re super drained, or you’re a little grumpy, or you’re both.” I was like wow… either you’re super perceptive because I came up on stage laughing, or that’s God.

Second was Alice. I’ve been super blessed by her this year and her open relationship with me. I don’t even remember what she said, but I remember her asking me “how are you”. Those three simple words are words that we always say but never really are interested in the answer. But coming from someone who I’m that close with and after someone had just unveiled my “happy mask”, I really felt true community. I spoke with Alice at the back before worship and she had said that she didn’t think I would be here so she had prepared pastoral prayer. Praise God! because I was dreading that if I did go up there, I would bawl and not even be able to finish.

1 Corinthians says that God will not give you something that you cannot bear/handle.

It’s true.

Today, I experienced God’s grace and how close He wants to be that He will say the exact words that I need at the exact time that I need it.